Sign up for news

My Xbox died last week. I’d gotten about 10-12% into GTA 4, too. So to keep myself entertained in its place, in the spirit of Randy’s last Edge article, here’s a few versions of GTA I’d rather be playing:

  • You play a celebrity starlet, having to cross town in drunken high speed chases. Crank the satire knob to 11 past GTA 4. (Stems from being tragically riveted by an entertainment news special on Lindsey Lohan while I was working out at the gym one evening).
  • You play an ambulance driver an a downward spiral. Never seen it, but the high concept is the same as Bringing Out the Dead.
  • While I’ve got Scorsese on my mind, two words: Travis Bickle.
  • Still got your music controller peripherals? GTA meets Rock Band. Think VH1’s Bands on the Run.
  • You play a rescue worker during 9/11. Games are the new documentary medium.
  • GTA with flying cars. I want my flying cars! Wait, these are all supposed to have some sort emotional relevance. But who wouldn’t want to play a game with that made flying cars emotionally relevant?
  • Screw going around the city – you’re the hot dog cart vendor. Amidst “Diner Dash” type management and a flurry of minigames, an odd cast of characters tell you about their problems as the threads of their stories weave in and out through the day.
  • Any open world city game set in a non-American city. American urban planning sucks.
  • I’d really like to play Pat Miller’s (of Token Minorities) Black Panther version of GTA.